It’s Official, Britney Spears is Retarded

Britney Spears rocks a straw cowboy hat in an attempt to bring Hee Haw back

Let’s see… blue contacts, cowboy hat and boots, wig, and fur coat. It’s springtime in LA, and Britney comes outside wearing this wonderful ensemble. I almost feel bad for making so much fun of her… she’s obviously a permanent passenger on the short bus.

And no wonder she fired her manager and is pissed at her parents for sending her to rehab. It’s not easy for any parent to admit that their child is mentally challenged, and it’s more en vogue these days to claim substance abuse when your kid shaves her head and attacks a car with an umbrella. Her father Jamie Spears is still trying to help her save face:

When Larry Rudolph talked Britney into going into rehab, he was doing what her mother, father and team of professionals with over 100 years of experience knew needed to be done. She was out of control. Larry was the one chosen by the team to roll up his sleeves and deliver the message, to help save her life.

The Spears family would like to publicly apologize to Larry for our daughter’s statements about him over the past few weeks. Unfortunately, she blames him and her family for where she is at today with her kids and career. Larry has always been there for Britney. For this, we will forever be grateful to him.

Britney responds:

I am praying for my father. We have never had a good relationship. It’s sad that all the men that have been in my life do not know how to accept a real woman’s love.

Poor little thing, bless her heart. And by “bless her heart,” I mean keep her away from sharp objects and maybe buy her a shrimp boat.

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