Kellie Pickler’s pea brain juxtaposes nicely with her big boobs

Kellie Pickler sure has gotten a lot of media attention since she revealed her breast augmentation on American Idol. Ryan Seacrest made a point of noticing that night, but when she chatted with Seacrest again on his radio show she still wouldn’t come correct about her boob job.

When Ryan asked her point blank if she had them done she said, “I don’t know. Ever since the show and your comments, all I hear about is my boobs. But you know me, Ryan, I like to be the center of attention, and right now me and the girls, we are pretty much getting a lot of attention. I like to keep it a mystery. Let the mystery live on because as soon as I say yes or no then no one is going to care anymore.”

It’s no mystery that Kellie is not the sharpest tool in the shed, but why does her publicist allow her to keep talking? If it were me, I’d only let Pickler move her lips when she’s singing and when she’s reading her Bob the Builder books.

American Idol finalists Melinda Doolittle, Blake Lewis, and Jordin Sparks

Half the free world will be watching American Idol tonight to see which of the three finalists will get the ax. According to someone who actually watched the show, last night’s performances were all “quite excellent,” so I’m guessing the person who gets cut tonight will be the one America thinks is the ugliest.

The only certainty left on American Idol is the fact that no matter who wins, he or she will immediately be given a “mercy makeover.” Actually, now that I think about it, there are really two certainties—the other is the fact that the winner will be outpaced in record sales by somebody who’s already been cut from the show.

Wait, wait… In truth, there are three certainties—the person from the show who sells the most records will also be far more attractive than the winner. Remember folks, talent is like so last millennium.

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Elvis Presley has left the American Idol building

In a heartbreaking moment for the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley was eliminated from contention on American Idol last night after performing a duet with Celine Dion. Viewers seemed unimpressed with Elvis and his vocal stylings, while the nascent “Bring Back Sanjaya” movement gathered steam amongst the gay male and retarded teenager demographics.

In a post show interview, Elvis was asked if he thought being paired with Dion hurt his chances, to which he responded, “Damn straight it did… thank you very much.”

Check out the video and make up your own mind. And for our easily confused visitors, yes, that really is Elvis, and yes, he’s still dead. Video:

Sanjaya Malakar gets the boot, but Shyamali wants an encore

My faith in humanity has been partially restored—Sanjaya Malakar was voted off of American Idol last night despite the cleavage investment his sister Shyamali made to keep him going. What really amazes me is why I care at all, because I don’t. But this dude was a hack who was being kept on the show for all the wrong reasons.

Of course he cried like a little girl when he got booted, as if he didn’t realize this was all a cruel joke in the first place. Oh well, at least we got to experience the Shyamali cheerleading factor, which led to a bit of rare gratuitous boob ogling around here. I doubt that even a Shyamali sex video would have kept Sanjaya going, but I would have applauded the effort.

Image: Rickey

Paula Abdul is not a diva

I’m not sure if this qualifies as another “Paula Abdul is drunk” story, or if it’s just that she’s a retarded wannabe diva, but whichever, she’s dangerously in need of a clue. Here’s what happened on a sold-out Southwest Airlines flight from San Jose to Burbank, California according to Star:

“She asked to be let on the plane and seated first,” an “eyewitness” told the Star. When Abdul was told that only young children, people with disabilities and the elderly were allowed to board early, she reportedly declared, “But I’m famous! I need to go on first!”

A number of fellow passengers heard the exchange, and one shouted at her: “You’re no Sanjaya! You have to board like everyone else.” That, according to the source, prompted a round of laughter from the others — except Abdul.

Ouch… that straight up now sucks. Sure, Paula Adbul has been lame since day one, but at least she’s had a twenty year career in show business. Sanjaya will be reduced to starring in gay porn by next fall—not that there’s anything wrong with that, especially when you’ve got unpaid parking tickets and the rent is due.

I’m guessing.

via American Idol

I realize that this site is starting to look like the “new release” section of a blue movie store, but it’s not my fault! We’re living in the golden age of the celebrity sex tape, where anyone with a camera, a TV appearance, and a sweet ass can become ridiculously famous overnight.

The latest addition to the sex tape club is former American Idol contestant Olivia Mojica, and while she only managed to finish 12^th in Season Two of Idol, it looks like she’s found her true calling—talking dirty and getting nasty in front of the camera!

We’re told the tape is “very explicit” and features 40 minutes of “smoking hot sex.” One source who says he has seen the tape put it this way — “It’s the nastiest tape I’ve ever seen.”

The Olivia Mojica sex video will be released under the name Hardcore Idol, and whoever’s behind this masterpiece has decided to “leak” a trailer to the bloodthirsty throng, otherwise known as us. With that said, enjoy the Hardcore Idol trailer featuring my new hero, Olivia Mojica (sorry, Hayden).

Update: Sorry, folks, I had to remove the video.

via Us Magazine

In a show of sissy-boy solidarity, Ryan Seacrest donned a rooster-hawk wig last night on American Idol, mimicking Sanjaya Malakar’s Foghorn Leghorn impersonation from earlier in the week. Apparently the fine folks at US Magazine thought this was some seriously funny stuff.

In what had to be one of the most humorous moments in the show’s history, Seacrest took the stage and announced, “I’ve been Sanjaya’d.”

I’ll admit that Seacrest has been pretty funny this year, especially when he and Simon pretend like they’re not domestic life partners. What I don’t understand is how Sanjaya is still on the show. I guess when it comes to American idolatry, vocal talent ranks somewhere behind hair frosting and kiwi waxing among the teenage girls and gay men for vote for this guy.

via MySpace

• Idol cast-off Alaina Alexander followed Antonella Barba’s “get famous quick” checklist, so now her T&A are out on the Web working overtime. I just love the enterprising type, don’t you?
• Seriously? Here’s visual proof that the Olsen twins were once pretty darn cute!
• Looking back, isn’t it just so obvious that Drew Barrymore would drink tang?
• Scott Weiland’s wife explains the bonfire she set on Saturday: “My bad. I’m bipolar.”
• One chick in the mob, the other in porn… Mario Lopez has it all figured out!
• Finally, a scholarly look at the economics behind kidnapping Pax Thien Jolie
• Update: Secrent ninjas are after Pax, air traffic controllers in a panic.
• Paris Hilton signs on to make Josh Henderson famous.
• Have you noticed how many headlines Courtney Love makes despite the fact that she’s done nothing of note this century? I guess if you’re ostentatiously fug, then you too can grab a slice of the American pie.
• When you think Uma Thurman, you don’t think “big boobs,” do you?
• A skeleton and a tranny. But money makes you happy, right?

via Rickey

We’re all getting played by Sanjaya Malakar.

Last week, he employed his sister Shymali’s boobs in a genius act of attention whoreism, and this week, he came on stage sporting the ever-present “faux-hawk,” thus ensuring thousands of Google searches for his whack hairstyles until he gets the inevitable boot from American Idol.

Catch a couple more pics of Sanjaya looking like a USC Trojan after the jump.

via Pop Off

Outside of Antonella Barba and her wet t-shirt, the most popular person on this season’s American Idol has been Sanjaya Malakar, the kid whose hair has drawn more attention than his vocal talent ever could.

That is, until his bouncy-boobed sister Shyamali returned this week, sporting enough cleavage to support a third world country. What’s more, Idol cameramen took notice of this former Hooters girl right away, and they managed to catch every last jiggle as Ms. Malakar cracked the champagne bottle on her 15 minutes of fame.

Check out the video of Shyamali Malakar’s world-class cleavage after the jump!