Nicole Richie is pregnant.

Rumors that Nicole Richie is pregnant have been swirling around ever since she started sporting that stylishly distended belly, and it seems both her belly and the rumors are expanding. I don’t know how this crazy chick thinks she can eat for two when she can’t even eat for half a person, but here’s the scoop anyway.

Nicole Richie is being coy on the question of whether she’s pregnant, but a good pal of hers says she’s definitely carrying Joel Madden’s love spawn. “Nicole is kind of hoping her pregnancy will keep her out of jail,” the friend said.

Having a baby to avoid a short jail stay? Wouldn’t it be better to serve 20 days than be chained for 18 years? Of course, Mom should have never let that dude I met under the freeway tie her up in the first place, but I still fail to see how that was my fault.

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Nicole Richie anorexic?

Nicole Richie is giving Britney Spears a run for her money for “Daughter of the Year.” Just as Britney blew off her mom while she was in the hospital with pneumonia, Nicole refuses to visit Brenda Harvey-Richie after her hysterectomy.

Richie has been making regular visits to her therapist, and insiders say her issues with her mom may be to blame: “The two have not been getting along lately.”

Ever since Brenda made that late night phone call to Bono pleading for a UN food ration drop over the set of The Simple Life, Nicole has been pissed. Moms never get it. Doesn’t she know that Ethiopian is in?

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Nicole Richie eating anything – let alone ass – is rare.

I must be getting old, because I can’t believe that Nicole Richie is allowed to talk about ass licking techniques on basic cable. Not that there’s anything wrong with your lady snorkeling in the old dirt pipe, but Nicole Richie? That’s like getting a bone caught in your throat from completely the wrong angle. At least she’s eating something.

Check out the video after the jump if you need help figuring out how to lick your man’s ass, ladies.

Update: Apparently kissing ass is ok, but licking it isn’t because the video was removed from YouTube for some sort of violation. That’s “teh lam3n3ss.”

via Dlisted

Yesterday, we found out that Nicole Richie had collapsed on the set at fat camp while filming an upcoming episode of The Simple Life.

And now today, in a most unexpected turn of events, we’ve been graced with the ultimate news bombshell—a doctor has diagnosed her with hypoglycemia!

“In her ongoing effort to focus on her well-being, Nicole has recently been diagnosed with hypoglycemia,” says her rep. “[She] is taking steps to manage it.”

Imagine that, hypoglycemia as a side effect of NOT EATING. Now I know how OJ is going to feel when he finds out he’s not the father of Anna Nicole’s baby.

via Dlisted

• Walking wax figure Victoria Beckham is going to end up living in a trailer park.
• Ashley Olsen spotted eating in public!
• Somebody forgot to tell Naomi Campbell that looking like a diva was not on the list of job requirements for Manhattan garbage personnel.
• Amy Winehouse is totally effed up, but your lackey, stagehand ass better not be!
• Okay, so we’ve all heard of lazy eye… but what the hell is this?
• Attention Kimberly Stewart: Cousin It called, and he wants his hair back.
• Silly starlet Lohan, what’s that white stuff in your nose?
• Nicole and Paris know that you get a better buzz if you get every last drop!
• Hey, is that Grizzly Adams or Neo?
• I told you that Ray-J was smarter than the rest of us!

via A Socialite’s Life

What do you get when you combine eating disorders, drug addictions, elitism, and 2,000 pounds of blubber?

A hit show!

According to reports, Paris “Thickburger” Hilton and Nicole Richie will be dishing out their world-famous weight loss tips to a hopeless cast of fat campers in the upcoming season of The Simple Life. Fireside camp topics include:

• Stuffing Your Face? Try Stuffing Your Nose!
• Secrets of the In-and-Out Burger
• Fitting Room Exercises Exposed!

via Dlisted

Know why I like Joel Madden? He keeps it real.

Unlike oh-so-many of the wannabe punk rockers out there, the Good Charlotte front man likes to dish out his daily dose of punk on real victims, not just hapless vinyl.

Which is why he clears the path for his girl, Nicole Richie, by shoving paparazzi.

In the left breast.

Even if they’re female.

Whoops.

via Popsugar

When you weigh 70 pounds and double-fist lattes every morning, you might be a prime candidate for dehydration.

Seriously, if I banged an ultra-trendy venti triple shot soy no foam latte and then proceeded to go half a day without eating, even I would feel a little bit squeamish.

Well, we know Nicole Richie ain’t eating, so it’s no wonder she ended up in the hospital for dehydration. I’m told that there’s Evian on the set of The Simple Life at all times, but my sources also report that she “doesn’t like the taste” of regular water.

So really, what’s a girl to do?

Today the news became official — Nicole Richie blows dope, pops pills, and drives on the wrong side of the road without consequences! Apparently they’re going to “slap” her with a $1000 fine, but let’s be honest here… even a Z-lister could suck her way out of just about anything. On top of that, don’t you think all this ancillary publicity is going to net her at least a grand?

Hell, I heard the ole’ Cartoon Network was re-emerging with a new 70 pound poster bonerack girl, so that ought to cover her court costs and then some.