Paris Hilton will learn what that means in jailEver since the news broke that Paris Hilton is going to jail, I’ve avoided writing about Heir Whoredan simply because I’m sick to death of her. Unfortunately, the bitch has been in the news more than ever, and will likely be more famous after serving time unless someone shivs her in the shower.
Here’s a recap of the insanity since Judge Michael T. Sauer laid down the law, as provided by TMZ:
- Paris claims cops pull her over just to hit on her. That, and she’s drunk, high and belligerent most of the time. But mostly to hit on her.
- Case in point, Paris is photographed smoking a joint just days before the hearing regarding her probation violation, which of course constitutes another violation and an independent crime last time I checked (for purely academic reasons, I assure you).
- Paris fires her publicist Elliot Mintz.
- Paris realizes she can’t wipe her ass without Elliot Mintz, hires him back.
- News breaks that Paris will do at least 39 days of the 45-day sentence, with no exceptions without divine intervention.
- Seizing the day and their crayons, Paris’ 4 fans (I know, I was shocked too) start a petition asking California Governator Schwarzenegger to pardon her. The End of Days is certainly upon us should Arnold comply with this drivel.
- Paris reportedly receives messages suggesting she’ll be “beaten to a pulp,” plus “We’re going to get you,” and “I’m going to kill you.” Feel the love, Princess.
- Paris gets a new lawyer, and suddenly her “it’s not fair” whining becomes a well-scripted “I accept what I’ve got coming.” Good for you Paris… check the item above this one for a refresher on what that might entail.
Now that everyone is up to speed, can I get back to imagining Paris tossing prison salad without further distraction? That’s hot, lemme tell ya.
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1 Forget Paris: Gov. Ahnold Won’t Be The Eraser | Celebrity Hack || 10:45 am on 5.14.07
[…] Arnold Schwarzenegger, has too many things on his plate to worry about Paris Hilton and her recent prison sentence, despite the fact that Paris made an appeal asking for a […]