Salma Hayek is 9 Months Pregnant

But she could easily pass for 18 months pregnant. I’ve heard that she’s carrying Verne Troyer as part of a strange new religious experiment. He wanted to be born again, and Salma has always been known to be the accommodating type.

I remember I was at Wal-Mart once, and I saw this woman who I claimed was the most pregnant woman ever. Seriously, bish was huge. Built like a Mack truck and probably tipping the scales at 275… and I think the huge dump she took in the employee restroom was the only thing keeping her under the 300 mark.

Anyway, I thought for sure that I’d never see another pregnant chick who was as pregnant as that black hole for McDonald’s fries, but now that I’ve seen Salma, I’m not so sure.